It is the event that the entire OR looks forward to all summer.

School starts next week.

What goes better with school than ice cream.

This is the 6th annual ice cream social for the OR.

Every section of surgical services: OR, ACU/PACU, SPD, and there is even a few of our dedicated housekeepers participates by bringing ice cream, toppings, sauces.

This is useful to the department as a morale building.

Of course, morale building is one of the reasons that cookie Thursday exists.

This past year and a half has been so very difficult for so very many reasons. and morale, not only in the OR, is down.

Me, nodding my had, thinking yes, morale is down.

Even my morale is down and that is hard to accomplish.

I don’t really like ice cream but I look forward to this day all month long.

My contribution is homemade ice cream.

This year, I am making cinnamon ice cream.

Goes great with caramel sauce and nuts.

I can’t wait.

You’re a great charge nurse.

but…

We all knew that was coming.

Well.

I had the conversation with my boss about expectations.

I reiterated that there had not been a problem before they made the stupid rule in December that the day charge should be in charge until he left.

Which changed every day.

I was able to express how I now felt like a second class charge nurse.

An afterthought.

A second class charge nurse.

Someone with no authority or power.

And I think I deserve more after serving 7 years in the trenches.

5 days a week, 8 hours a day.

All she could say was they were searching for consistency.

What else am I except consistent?

After all, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

Even through this past 18 months.

And I reminded her again, that the OR had had it before their own asinine rule.

All she could say was they were searching for consistency.

Okay.

Not getting through to her.

Derailing the entire this is what you are doing now, regardless of what you have been doing for years with no detriment to the department, I told her I was interested in the call nurse position.

Depending I could continue my committee work, outside of the salary hours.

This may be sticking point but she said it was going to be structured so the nurse could work extra for straight hourly pay, outside of the stated shift.

There are decisions to be made.

I would have to get the parameters in writing.

AND she told me I had a bad attitude when I get to work.

I cannot stress how boring I am.

I have nothing to report.

I am not there to be anyone’s friend.

I point problems out when I see them.

And I will not downgrade my memory and attention to detail to make anyone feel better.

I want a little fairness.

After all I bend over backwards to be fair to other people.

I agreed to try to be nice and more welcoming.

And that I was not responsible for my resting bitch face.

And that I was well aware that I need to complain more.

Because my day shift counterpart does.

Constantly.

So constantly.

Be positive?

Maybe.

The call shift would depend on how much they offer.

Something to think about.

To my surprise I was not ambushed as soon as I set foot in the department yesterday.

I would have put money down.

However, the assistant manager had a drive by discussion with me.

I was working on the computer.

She came up to the desk.

And told me that the big pow wow was not going to be happening.

Instead she and the manager were drawing up rules and roles for each of the three charge nurses.

That would be agreed on between the two of them.

And then given to us.

I looked at her and said, “You know what you have created here is chaos, right?

“And that is not good for the department.

“What should really happen is that I take over charge at 1500, as I have done for the past 7 years.”

She looked really uncomfortable and chided me for not sticking to the plan.

What plan?

I have heard of no plan.

I have heard all my coworkers, nurses and techs alike, who come to me and complain about the situation.

I have heard all the surgeons who come to me and complain about the situation.

As far as I can tell there is no plan.

Whatever happens they brought it upon themselves.

And then she dropped the bomb I knew was coming about the call shift.

I wonder what would happen if I applied for it?

And they would have to backfill my current position.

I probably wouldn’t get it.

Because reasons.

Last night I did not sleep well.

The conversations were running rampant in my head.

I woke up at 0315.

After going to sleep at 0015 was quite the feat.

And thought some more.

I got up at 0500 and wrote out a 4 page open letter to management.

Will it change anything?

No, only my leaving will do that.

But I have commitments to the hospital until the end of the year.

My husband said to see how much they are offering for the call shift position.

As I understand, it is 50 hours of call, for 40 hours of work, salary.

No overtime.

I love overtime.

No further meetings that I would get paid for.

However, I would keep call.

And I love call.

Vacation where I should have gone to AORN is over.

I am headed back to the hospital today.

Before I went on vacation I demurred a discussion that the assistant nurse manager wanted to have with me and the day shift charge nurse, the day shift lead, and the manager.

I was in not in a good mental head space for THAT conversation.

I have some predictions.

“You’re a great nurse but..” will be the lead in.

An echo for you’re a great nurse but will be had.

I have been thinking about what I want to say.

That I think that an overlap of charge is ludicrous for 2 hours.

That I think it is enraging that someone who is new to charge should have say over how I run the board for 2 hours.

That I think this whole endeavor is insulting.

That the one of the only reasons I stay is the commitments I have made.

Not to the department.

To the hospital system.

That I am not quite ready to leave.

That I need to complain more.

Because I know very well that the day shift charge is complaining about me.

About how I will not go in the direction that she has planned.

That I want to make my own staff assignments for after 1700.

After all.

How dare I?

That is what has been swirling through my head all through my staycation.

Now.

How to put these feelings into words that does not degrade into screaming?

Or crying, which I am prone to.

We’ll see.

I had my husband pick out the note from the box.

I thought I’d surprise him.

It is our anniversary after all.

I presented the box and asked him to pick one.

He looked down at the mass of post-its and gown cards and pulled one out.

I was hoping he’d get this one.

I’ve wanted to write about it for awhile.

The note says “the unsung heroes of the hospital are the supervisors”.

Absolutely, one hundred percent true.

And something that needs to be shouted from the roof.

Think about it:

1. they are in charge of all the units of the hospital
2. they have their hands in staffing
3. they fetch and carry for all the departments who are in need
4. their phone is continually going off from crisis to crisis
5. they manage to maintain a professional demeanor in front of the chaos
6. in what I am sure are long odds
7. and cranky people! If someone asks to speak to a manager during off times the supervisor is the one that speaks to the family or the patient
8. they have to know what the other hospitals are doing, who is on diversion, who is accepting patients

Some of my very favorite people at the hospital are nursing supervisors.

Most of them, anyway.

I was headhunted for supervision once.

I may have to rethink that.

It is August 13th.

Happy Friday the 13th all.

Today I submitted an abstract based on the Flash This! poster to NCONL.

When I presented my flash this! finding to the research council I was encouraged to put in an abstract for NCONL.

For their in-person conference.

If that happens.

This was one of the things I wanted to do when I was writing down my new year for dispatches resolution.

Checked.

What’s next?

Since I am on vacation there are no cookies or otherwise to be made in the kitchen.

This is the story of the real impetus behind Cookie Thursday is a Thing.

I was in the midst of remodeling my kitchen.

I was keeping my oven.

I love my oven.

But the rest was torn up and in the midst of our long, long, long rennovation.

Everything that could go wrong had.

The kitchen designers lost our number and paperwork that we were interested.

Two month delay.

The kitchen designers did not put in the correct order.

1 month delay.

One of the cabinets was not delivered with the rest.

1 month delay.

The countertop we ordered was out of stock because the cabinets took too long.

I was not going to settle for a different countertop.

6 week delay. I cooked in a half built kitchen on the remodeling sink I asked for and thank goodness we had that.

11 weeks the kitchen was completely torn up.

I had an island, and a stove, no counter tops, half a functional sink.

Finally, finally, they templated the countertops and installed them.

I was so fed up by this time I asked for, and got, the company to pay for installation of the backsplash.

This entire saga was from February of that year when we expressed interest to September when the cabinets went in to November when it was finally completed.

I was so happy.

I was talking in the lounge at work about all the things I would like to bake after the kitchen was finally completed.

All the bread, all the cookies.

And someone said they had never had a home baked cookie.

I was flabbergasted.

Never had a home baked cookie.

I proposed weekly home made cookies for the department.

To be called Cookie Thursday is a Thing.

There were lots of volunteers in January.

For two months.

All the other volunteers started dropping out.

In April I was the sole baker.

And Cookie Thursday is a Thing, which had been my baby.

Was mine alone.

This was six and a half years ago.

Now no one in the department can claim they’d never had homemade cookies.

I have been on vacation since last Friday.

I was supposed to be at AORN.

Which was cancelled/taken virtual on Friday.

I did the three days of virtual conference.

I had someone say that they saw my poster.

This made me happy.

I absolutely kept all the days I had off.

This will help alleviate pressure off my PTO balance.

When I took a week off in April I complained about how bored I was.

Nope, not going to whine about how bored I am now.

I am reading reports and watching the case and death count go up.

ICUs are full.

Hospitals are full.

Hospitals can’t get workers.

Do I feel guilty that I am on vacation, taking care of all that I did not do all of last year?

Yep.

Do I still do the instrument tracking report daily for my manager?

Why not, it only takes me 5 minutes.

While I am there do I take a look at the hospital beds in the system that have covid patients in them?

Yep.

I’m not even there and I can tell it is exploding in my area.

This does not bode well.

Do I go places without my mask?

No.

I never stopped wearing a mask.

One thing I did stop giving a fuck about is saving starker news stories to my covid Pinterest page.

Because of course I have one of those.

And I hope people who are do not believe in covid or are unvaccinated for whatever reason are reading them.

Happy birthday, dear dispatches.

I hope you don’t mind that I am calling you by that nickname.

Should I be more formal?

And say happy birthday, dear dispatches from the evening shift?

You are 4 years old today.

Yes, I know it took me a long time to settle into posting three times a week, at least.

And yes, I do cheat with Thursdays.

But, hey.

You have been my agony aunt and my stress relief all in one.

Regardless of what the topic is.

I would not have gone through this last 18 months without you.

No, serious, thank you.

The only presents I have for you are my goals for the next year.

I will continue to post at least three times a week, varying the posts as I do.

I will write a grant proposal and tell you all about it.

I will write another abstract proposal since AORN got moved virtual, again.

I will present one of my posters at a conference.

I will apply for a PhD program.

I will write my alma mater about a program bringing periop 101 to their senior students that was announced Sunday.

I will explore writing articles, either for AORN or others.

There is so much to do.

Let us get started!

Today’s note is simple: how do we, as the vaccinated, begin to forgive the unvaccinated.

I know, that in their heads, all their reasons for remaining unvaccinated are clear.

Those are the more sane of the unvaccinated.

And it all boils down to I am afraid.

And fear is not to be made fun of.

Fear needs a guiding hand and reassurance.

It is the others; the politically poisoned ones that are the worst.

I hear it over and over.

They are regurgitating what they have been told on their political network.

I am hearing some of the same talking points that I had only read about from coworkers.

The vaccine isn’t FDA approved.

But it is.

Emergency approval is still approved.

Full approval needs study and time after vaccination to ensure it is still safe.

Full approval has been sought and is pending with the Moderna and the Pfizer vaccines.

I trust my immune system.

That’s nice is the only thing I can think about that.

In reality, Covid-19 doesn’t care about your political bent, or your immune system.

To Covid-19 you are only a means to survival.

And if you happen to die.

There are millions more unvaccinated where you came from.

Forgiveness of those who are afraid, ignorant, or defiant in the face of a deadly threat is a high bar.

And right now, I am failing in reaching it.

The question remains: how do we, the vaccinated, forgive the unvaccinated?

Hell if I know.

I know I said the same thing about where the pixie dust to fly comes from.

I still don’t know.