Current mood- UGH!

I left two groups on Facebook today.

Because they were purportedly medical people only.

They were not.

The groups had been infiltrated by fake bots who were spreading Covid misinformation.

It just makes me tired.

Wear a mask when you go out.

Just because the stay at home is lifting does not mean the pandemic is over.

It means that the hospitals can now safely take care of a rise in cases, that they have the ICU and step down unit space.

Wear a mask when you go out, wash your hands when you come back home.

The mask is not to protect me.

It is to protect you.

I no longer wear scrubs out of the hospital.

I think it is dangerous.

The tide of public sentiment seems to be turning against the hospitals and health care workers.

Again, for the people in the back, wear a mask when you go out.

100,000 dead.

Good God.


Is this thing on?


It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

So much has happened, so much has not happened.

A quick recap (school only):

  • I survived my last semester of my master’s program. This was a gift, really.
  • the hospital system I was working with to do the in-person hours cancelled all in-person hours.
  • I switched my education hours to online, with my instructors’ blessing.
  • So many  education hours, so many.
  • I had to do 150 hours, I was at 104 when they decided that it was going online. I tapped out at 192.
  • I received my graduation announcements the same day my governor instituted a stay at home policy.
  • graduation was cancelled, to be done in the fall.
  • I can’t stop learning, I thought this might happen
  • My cap and gown and something else were shipped to my house, Fedex(!) , when the bookstore closed. The cap is now decorating the top of a lamp until I decide how I want to decorate it.
  • My student loans have stopped accruing interest until September. I had had plans to pay off by the end of the year; these are still in place.
  • The clinical ladder program at my work was suspended the week I was going to submit this year’s packet. I will be submitting when they allow it again. I was going to use the 7% bonus to pay off my student loan.
  • I don’t think I am going to get to go to London, the big prize, this year as they have instituted a 2 week quarantine for anyone entering the country. EVERYTHING had been planned and paid for. Maybe in the spring.

And with all that, I am still contemplating further education.

I can get a certificate from the university with 1 more 16 week class in leadership.

I can look at DNP schools.

I can look at PhD schools.

I can decided between DNP and PhD.

Decisions, decisions.

We live in interesting times, my friend

According the John F. Kennedy, there is a Chinese curse that reads ‘May he live in interesting times’.

Never was it more true that it is today.


In this moment.

A novel Coronavirus, a pandemic, hoarding of goods and supplies, school closings, people working from home, people being told to maintain social distancing, which they don’t.

These are very interesting times.

I am 10 weeks into my last MSN semester. This is the big one, the 150 hour residency.

And on Friday, my preceptor informed me that the organization is cancelling all non-mandatory education. And moving most education to video instructor led training.

I’m at 102 out of 150 hours.

And until the end of April to do them in.

I’m not sure what to do.

I’m not sure what to say

I am not sure what to say.

This past Tuesday night we had a true life or limb surgery in the OR.

It involved a patient bleeding.

The surgeon was super freaked out.

She paged me at 2227.

I arrived at the hospital 2241 (I had to put clothes on).

I got dressed, scheduled the case at 2241.

She paged me again at 2252 to tell me the patient was bleeding and time was of the essence.

I told her I would be able to do more things faster if she would get off the phone and let me work.

The patient was in pre-op at 2314.

Anesthesiologist was upstairs in OB, starting an epidural.

I pulled out the anesthesia consent, took a set of vitals with a BP of 90/60, and noted down her answers from the conversation we’d had on the way to pre-op.

The surgeon was pacing around, completely freaked, wondering why we weren’t moving fast.

The anesthesiologist came down and pre-oped the patient.

I had her sign the anesthesia consent and I cosigned it.

The CRNA did the safety time out and she was in the OR at 2226.

We did what we had to do.

We saved her life.

And today, a full five days later, my boss pulls me aside to tell me that the surgeon’s perception was that I was not moving fast enough.

That I had no sense of urgency.

I was taken aback.

Excuse me?

Who else in this department could’ve been paged, driven to the hospital, picked the case, threw together the positioning aids, retrieved the patient personally, prepped the patient, waited for anesthesia, finished prepping the patient, walked the loved one to the waiting room and still managed to make it back into the OR within two minutes? All within 59 minutes of the page.

Of course I don’t act like I’m in a tizzy.

That does NOTHING to reassure the patient.

But apparently I should’ve been ranting that the patient had to go back to the room.


Because she was bleeding to death.

With a BP of 90/60, pink cheeks, and a normal heart rate.


Weekender update

I’m trying to keep an open mind. Really, I am.


Of the 8 weeks this thingy has been active, I’ve been on call after the weekender leaves at 1900. Okay, normal.

What is not normal is the 15 weekend days I’ve been there after 1900. Sometimes the surgeon waits until after 1900 to page me, sometimes I am summoned earlier.

For instance, Saturday I was texted, called and paged within a minute.


I answered the page at 1835. The weekender told me that Dr. X had an open fracture that he wanted to put an ex-fix on.


She told me it would start at 1900.

I asked if the patient was prepped.

No patient, no exact surgery planned.

Just there is an ex-fix and doctor wants to start at 1900.

I gently told her she had no patient, no clear plan of what was going to be happening and there was no way on God’s green earth all of that would happen in 30 minutes and that I was on my way.

Next she told me she could not get a hold of the tech.

Okay, I’ve got that.

I had the nursing supervisor call the tech while I was driving as I was not exactly clear who was on call.

When I got there 10 minutes later (don’t hate me because I live so close), the two weekenders were milling around, I guess.

I asked if the case had been picked since they knew about this case in advance.


Resounding thud of an answer.

I held my tongue, I smiled and nodded and went downstairs to get case picked.

And then I prepped the patient.

And then we started the case at 1935.


Mercury in Retrograde

Mercury is in retrograde.

This spells trouble.

Not unlike a full moon.

Yes, I mostly grew up in Northern California so my outlook is moderately crunchy.

My zodiac sign is Cancer. I prefer the moniker Moon Child.

I am a water sign.

I believe in the power of the full moon, especially on the crazies, and the pregnant women.

I wasn’t paying too close attention to Mercury being in retrograde until recently. Mostly because I don’t really ascribe to it.

Mercury went into retrograde on Monday, February 17.

The OR worked until 0100. I didn’t get to sleep until 0130. As you do after a busy shift.

And I had an 0630 meeting. Of course.

Rinse and repeat ALL WEEK LONG.

Mercury is in retrograde, please make the increased evening cases stop. We had just gotten over the late fall early winter rush.

0300 Scaries

All of a sudden I’ve lost my number one asset.

That of being able to sleep through anything.



I am awake most nights at 0300.


The symposium I have poured so, so much of my brain power into over the last four months.

The mountains I’ve had to scale to make it an actuality.

The minutiae I’ve had to pay attention to.

It’s exhausting.

And nearly done.

And, God, I hope it goes off without a hitch.

Off to  make my punch lists for the week for this Friday.

I hope I survive.