One of my goals for dispatches from the evening shift was the apply for a PhD in nursing program.

I applied to a state university back in September.

That was a very long time ago.

I am trying to grow as a person and not put all my eggs in one basket.

I’ve done that before.

I applied to only Creighton as a high schooler.

It was the only college I applied to.

I decided, 14 years later, to go back for my BSN.

I only applied to Chamberlain.

When I decided to get my MSN?

You guessed it.

I only applied and was accepted to one college.

I’m trying not to be that person anymore.

Therefore I am applying to THREE (3) universities who have a PhD in nursing.

As I am investigating the admission processes I am finding that there will need to be 3 references, preferably in healthcare, preferably with PhDs themselves.

I don’t know that I know 3 nurses with their PhDs.

The nurse scientist as my current hospital corporation has her PhD.

She kind of knows me.

I have sent her an email.

The nurse manager on one of the Med-Surg units has her PhD.

I serve on a committee with her.

I have asked her if we can have a conversation or three about maybe choosing her to be the second PhD nurse.

I know OF a few more PhD nurses.

In AORN, at colleges, with the credentialing company that I get the CNOR from.

Should I cast my net wide?

Just like I am doing with the universities?

I think I will mock up an introductory email and just ask.

Making friends as an adult, and networking among other nurses as an introvert is hard.

5 million plus dead from the covid-19 pandemic.

World wide.

Personally, I think is a huge undercount.

Cases are rising in Britain due to the new variant, the delta plus.

Very glad my husband talked me out of going in December.

The airline credit will just have to wait.

Cases are rising in Russia, not that the medical community knows much.

Vaccinations are increasing, although I heard that much of it was due to boosters being given.

Hopefully, vaccinations for the 5-12 set will have full CDC approval tomorrow.

Many families are waiting on that.

We have workers re-siding the house right this second.

All the hammers.

The banging.

They are not wearing masks up on the ladders.

And neither would I expect them to.

However, the foremen who want to talk to us?

Absolutely should be wearing masks.

It drives my husband crazy.

Mask mandate is still active where I live.

The test positivity rate has not dropped below that threshold.

Yes, cases may be down where you live.

This does not give you permission to be stupid,

The post-it reads ‘hospitals are great places to watch the human condition…ALL the human conditions’

My sister said this as we were waiting for our sister to come out from visiting our dad in the ICU.

Because it’s a pandemic, no more than 1 visitor allowed at a time.

IN THE HOSPITAL.

I expected there to be no more than 1 person at bedside at a time, because ICU has rules.

But we couldn’t wait, not even in the hospital.

No waiting in the ICU waiting room, which also doubled as their code lavender room.

And no seating for non-hospital personnel in the cafeteria.

No matter, my sisters and I decamped to the corner.

To wait.

And to watch the world go by.

But, really, to watch people go by.

Say what you will about San Francisco.

The people watching is on-point.

So many people.

So many different attitudes in a 30 foot radius.

So many people wearing masks.

Thanks for that.

All the human conditions were on display.

Fear.

Grief.

Rage.

Happiness.

Laughter.

And, it being a hospital at change of shift…

Exhaustion.

Yes, it appears that the case volume is decreasing.

Yes, it appears that the death rate is decreasing.

Slightly.

The FDA has authorized vaccines for children 5-12.

I know some doctors with vulnerable children who are very happy for that.

But people are still getting sick.

But people are still dying.

Just over 2000 in the past 24 hours.

It bears repeating.

Again.

Wear a mask.

Wash your hands.

Stay 6 feet apart.

Again.

Do not let us falter at the 10 yard line.

Until next time, San Francisco.

Take good care of my father, Kaiser Permanente.

Take good care of our mother, sister.

Do I feel guilty for leaving?

Do I feel guilty for flying home when the situation is still tenuous?

Absolutely.

But there are time sensitive things at home for me.

My husband was unable to get the time off of work and so has been batching it for 5 days, 4 nights.

His birthday is in three days.

There is major work to begin on our house on Sunday.

There is a job offer in the wings for me, if I had the mental space to call the recruiter back.

There is a new job title waiting for me.

There are several articles and books to be written.

There is sleep to be in had, in my own bed, with my own pillows.

There is work to be done.

And I am, if nothing else, a worker.

And, apparently the cats have been searching for me.

All of which leads me to be onboard the long flight home to the American South, part of me still wanting to stay indefinitely in San Francisco, even though I know that is not tenable.

Inadvertent peeping is a hazard for nurses.

Everywhere.

As I am walking down the stepdown unit in this hospital far, far away from own, I am making sure to look straight ahead.

For a trained nurse the impulse is to look into every patient room.

Just to make sure the patient is not in obvious need.

Just to make sure the patient is not on the floor.

Just to make sure the patient is still there.

This doesn’t come without a patient sometimes calling out for a passerby who they see peering into their room.

Even if that passerby is not their nurse.

I did not want to be called out.

This is not my hospital.

This is not my state.

I am just here to visit my father, thank you very much.

And the HIPPA violations would be immense.

It is not unlike driving in the Tenderloin district.

I have a strict no eye contact policy.

At lunch I was mentioning to my mom that I had this struggle.

To look straight ahead and not look into rooms.

My mom, a longtime nurse, agreed.

Without question.

In the OR we are very focused on the patient on the table.

Everything we do is for them.

We breathe for them.

We move for them.

We make sure everything is counted before closing for them.

Our entire focus is on them.

But what about the family in the waiting room?

Their loved one is back behind closed doors.

They have to trust that the medical team will do their job.

On keeping them breathing and their heart beating.

On moving them in a safe manner.

On positioning them safely for a case that needs positioning.

That the OR team will do their counts.

When I am prepping a patient for urgent surgery on call, I have a specific talk I give the family that will be waiting.

If the phone rings, it will be for you.

It will be the update from the OR team that you are waiting for.

It will be the update from PACU with their room assignment.

It might be the surgeon to go over the surgery with you.

All very important updates that we want you to have.

But you have to pick up the phone.

I know, it’s creepy to pick up a phone that is not yours.

But do it.

Waiting is the hardest job in the OR.

Don’t make your wait longer by not answering the phone or being in the waiting room.

The post-it states ‘bitchcraft-the art pissing people off by telling the truth’.

Truer words have never been put on a post-it note.

One of my favorite memes about an INTJ is ‘expect blunt, honest answers. If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask’.

When I talk people, especially at the hospital, often ask if I am kidding.

No.

No, I don’t kid.

I was heading to the emergency room one day.

To pick up a surgical patient.

Because, you know, I like to spoil ACU.

This was near the height of the latest covid surge in the hospital and gurneys and beds were lining the halls outside of the emergency room.

I passed an unmade stretcher.

Stopped.

And went back to the stretcher.

On gurneys there is a slot specifically made for an oxygen tank.

And this gurney had an O2 tank hanging out the side.

Most decidedly not in the O2 slot.

I took a picture to show the plant engineering people that we do know how to fix glaring problems.

And I put the O2 back in its slot.

And continued to the ED to pick up the patient.

I ran into the plant engineering head yesterday.

And I stopped him to show him the picture.

I told him that I had definitely fixed the problem.

He thanked me and asked if I had any other pictures of such examples.

Because he uses them as a what is wrong with this picture visual interest on his slides.

I laughed and said ‘do I!’

He may be sorry he asked for picture.

Which one should I send him next?

I’m thinking of the one where there is a step blocking the return grate of the air handler.

I have no problem tattling on the OR.

Not if it leads to solutions.