The post-it says ‘Nursing is battle weary.’

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, battle weary is ‘1 : affected by war-weariness : tired of or depressed by war. 2 : of, relating to, or being a combat plane so worn or damaged as to be beyond repair and consigned to be scrapped, cannibalized, or used for target practice

Absolutely.

Nurses ARE battle weary.

In both senses of the word.

Since well before the beginning of the pandemic we have toiled in the trenches.

Patients are getting sicker.

Productivity demands are making people go home and get off the floor just so the numbers look right.

Never mind that those healthcare workers can be doing things are not “productive” in the eyes of the hospital balance books.

Such as cleaning med rooms.

Cleaning and replacing damaged equipment.

Organizing non-sterile supplies, in the case of the operating room.

Taking a freaking break from the grind.

Before we plaster on our smiles while we greet the next patient.

That was before the pandemic.

The pandemic has made it immeasurably worse.

Except now we use our eyes to smile.

Over our masks.

OR has been doing that for as long as the surgical team has worn masks.

According to my Google-fu, surgical masks came into vogue in the 1920s.

But was started much before that.

Right after Dr. Carl Flugge (there needs to be an umlaut but I can’t make that happen) developed droplet theory of infection in 1897.

Nursing is tired.

Of the coronavirus battle.

Did you think that was just you?

Nurses and other healthcare workers show signs of the second definition of battle-weariness.

Our fuselages are damaged.

And we are constantly being used for target practice.

By the continuing pandemic.

That has mitigation strategies that some people just don’t feel like doing.

umm, okay

By the family members who can’t believe this is happening that grandpa is dying.

Somehow that is nursing’s fault.

Under this constant barrage of fire, nurses and other healthcare workers take up their stethoscopes, put on their masks and greet the next patient.

This is what we do.

Even while being fired upon by science deniers and pandemic deniers.

okay

I am not only a blog writer, I write OR parodies.

I’ve written 8.

These are most likely to be parodies of children’s books.

Auntie Allis Doesn’t Live Here Anymore- about an ill fated romance between a clamp and a retractor.

The 2,410 Things I Pick Up Off the Floor- a counting book.

Dr. Alexander and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day- about a doctor who gets to work and his team is on vacation, his normal room has been usurped and he’s operating out of the janitor’s closet, his instruments have been replaced with safety scissors, and on and on.

The OR Sign Language book- about how outside the room communicates with the team in the room through the window in the door, or how the scrub tech and the circulator communicate without a word.

And more.

There was a store near me that you could go and make little books.

You could choose the cover, the font, everything.

These were best suited for pictures and therefore the parodies became picture books.

Taking all the pictures for all the various pages was hilarious and an evening shift project.

The make a book store closed and I have not found a reliable replacement.

But the one I wrote about the 12 days of Christmas has always been one of my favorites.

I had to keep in mind the original song and make sure the beats matched exactly.

And add in the asides after each verse that are mostly about what the OR experienced in each day.

I had to write about the 13th day and the aftermath of the abuse.

Just know that the name of the charge is Jack, Jack Ashe.

The Thirteen Days of the OR Christmas

Once there was a snowy Christmas , cold and snowy, snowy and cold. Nothing would be better than staying home under the covers with a good book and a cup of tea. But, of couse the patients made it to the hospital for their surgeries. J. Ashe, my charge nurse, assigned me to a different room each day. These are the my thirteen days of the OR Christmas.

Bah Humbug.

On the first day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: a surgeon in a good mood. (Dr. Good Mood declined to be pictured for this book or even named as he doesn’t want to ruin his reputation among the other surgeons)

On the second day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: two should scopes, and a surgeon in a good mood. (get out the hip waders)

On the third day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me : three appys, two shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (this is not looking good)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: four cataracts, three appys, two shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (at least the eyes are quick)

On the fifth day of Chrismas, my charge nurse gave to me: Five C-Sections, four cataracts, three appys, two shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (babies, hurray!)

On the sixth day of Chirstmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Six bowel resections, 5 C-Sections, four cataracts, three appys, two shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (this is not trending well)

On the seventh day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Seven hip revisions, 6 bowel resections, 5 C-Sections,  4 cataracts, 3 appys, two shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (well, at least the surgeon is in a good mood)

On the eighth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Eight Septoplasties, 7 hip revisions, 6 bowel resections,   5 C-Sections, 4 cataracts, 3 appys, 2 shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (I must’ve been bad this year)

On the ninth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Nine bladder tumors, 8 septoplasties, 7 hip revisions, 6 bowel resections, 5 C-Sections, 4 cataracts, 3 appys, 2 shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (Santa, am I getting coal?)

On the tenth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: ten fractured ankles, 9 bladder tumors, 8 septoplasties, 7 hip revisions, 5 C-Sections, 4 cataracts, 3 appys, 2 shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (Okay, who told Santa about that time at the holiday party?)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Eleven breast reductions, 10 fractured ankles, 9 bladder tumors, 8 septoplasties, 7 hip revisions, 6 bowel resections, 5 C-sections, 4 cataracts, 3 appys, 2 shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (Or the time at the 4th of July picnic?)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: Twelve carpal tunnels, 11 breast reductions, 10 fractured ankles, 9 bladder tumors, 8 septoplasties, 7 hip revisions, 6 bowel resections, 5 C-Sections, 4 cataracts, 3 appys, 2 shoulder scopes and a surgeon in a good mood. (Make it stop!)

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me: the day off. 

Yeah, right.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my charge nurse got from me: my resignation and a California birdie.

Is there anything prettier than a red and white meringue cookie?

Well, I made them this morning and they are very pretty.

The theme for the month is holiday.

And I will be adding these to my holiday rotation.

And maybe exploring other flavorings.

ooh, I wonder if I can do a jalapeno meringue.

I’m kidding.

Mostly.

I’d never made meringues before.

Not even sure why.

Apparently they are very easy to make.

And they are.

Have you ever been faced with an unfamiliar task and you’ve put it off and put it off and put it off and then you do it and it was one of the easiest tasks you’ve ever done?

The task had grown in complexity in your head until it consumed your waking thoughts and filled you with dread?

Those are meringues for me.

I had heard they were easy.

I was just afraid of having a sticky batch.

Will they turn out sticky because it’s too humid?

Will they turn out flat?

Will the swirl be pretty?

No, no and yes.

Not sticky at all, only as flat as I made them, and the swirl is very pretty.

What else can I meringue?

Once I have overcome this task that has been on my head all week long and I was dreading it and it wasn’t even that bad, what else can I accomplish from my to-do list?

I think we give ourselves mind blocks.

We are our own worst enemy, after all.

Medical people are, for the most part, superstitious.

We believe in Murphy.

We believe in the power of full moons.

We believe in the rule of 3.

3 lap appys.

3 fractured hips.

3 call outs.

If there were cracks in the OR floor you know that people would be skipping OVER them.

So as not to break their mother’s backs.

Above all, we believe in the chaos inherent in the word quiet.

Rhymes with riot, after all.

There has been a black cloud over my call hours for a long time.

Ask anyone I work with.

Black cloud is real.

Black cloud can be compounded by the rest of the team.

I grew up in California, after all.

I believe in the power of the universe.

And the capriciousness of that power.

To me that means that the universe has a personality.

And a thirst for vengeance if changes are made.

My evening tech and I joked for years that the weeks before and after a holiday are always bat shit crazy.

And God forbid one of us goes on vacation.

Well, the universe is well aware that there has been a shift change for me.

And she is not happy.

Four shifts into my schedule I worked all 10 of my hours.

And Monday was only slightly better with an awake intubation.

Those are always shit shows.

With all things around the universe, it’ll settle down.

Eventually.

When the point has been made.

In the before times, I would have worked an 8 hour shift and THEN 8 hours called back.

So I’m ahead, right?

Although I technically started my new role last week, I was on vacation for half of it.

As a result, I was only actually working on my shift for two shifts.

This week is the first full week of the new hours.

Already I have learned a lot.

I have learned and will be monitoring to be stricter with my sleeping patterns.

I am neither a nightingale or a lark.

That means that I am not a night person or a morning person.

I am more an adaptable person.

I guess, technically I am now a night person by function of my new working hours.

But I digress.

What I really wanted to talk about is the obligations that I have to the hospital outside of my hours.

These, of course, are my shared governance obligations and duties.

I will be continuing them.

I know that this is under the salary umbrella.

Sometimes you have to make time for what is important.

And shared governance is very important.

It is one of the only ways that the bedside nurse can speak and it can be heard and acknowledged at the executive level.

I use my time on shared governance as a big part of my clinical ladder.

And clinical ladder can still be awarded to salaried employees.

You can bet I asked.

Let’s see how it goes.

The post-it reads ‘attracted to call but not willing to work when called in.’

I imagine that this refers to a “mood”.

This is not about the call shift.

This is an everyday occurrence for some before the advent of the call shift.

I have heard it many times.

‘Yeah, I like the call money but who likes to work on their day off?’

Or.

‘This seemed to be a good idea at the time.’

The on-call hourly rate is never very much.

Just a little something extra to pay you for not being able to do what you want on your day off.

The real money is made when you are called in and work.

Call back money is usually time and a half.

This can be attractive to some.

But to others even time and a half is not worth having to give up the day off free time.

There is nothing wrong with that.

There will always be others who find it profitable to take other people’s call.

And then there are people like me.

Who take call for the work’s sake.

The money is nice, but money isn’t everything.

But be aware of what you are getting into when you agree to take someone’s call.

Because sometimes you work.

Please don’t whine about that.

The Covid Death Toll is nearly to 800,000.

Shall we have a moment of silence?

Or should we the vaccinated rant and rave and throw things to get the point across?

There is only 1 way out of this pandemic.

I’ve taken my now 3 shots and society is still struggling against mostly self-sabotage of a few people who won’t take 1.

Or mask.

Or, for all we know, wash their hands.

We are nearly 3 weeks out from Thanksgiving and cases are rising.

Typical.

Deaths are rising.

Availability of hospital beds is decreasing.

Nurses and other healthcare workers are still tired.

Still can’t catch a break.

Yeah.

Not a lot to say that I haven’t already said.

I’m so sorry that your self interest has impacted the world so much.

Better luck next pandemic to the survivors.

It is Friday.

I’ve not had Friday as a normal day off in years.

Unless it was a PTO day.

YEARS.

I have had the stray Friday off, but always as a PTO or actual holiday.

As long as I’ve been an OR nurse I’ve worked Fridays.

Even when I worked 12s Fridays were always involved.

Looking back, it seems the last time I was not regularly scheduled on Fridays was my short stint as a Med-Surg nurse.

I’ve blocked much of that from my mind but it seems to me that as we worked an alternating weekend schedule I would have been off the Friday before my weekend.

That’s how I would do it as a scheduler.

In my new role as the call nurse I will be off Friday and Saturdays.

That’s different.

This is a journey of discovery for me.

The limited work days.

Not my style.

Especially when I see the OR struggle against the December onslaught.

And me unable to help.

This is my first Friday that I am off.

I need to get into a routine.

I think I will do something off my to do list.

Anyone have any dice?

One of my favorite things to make, and eat! at the holidays is Chex mix.

There have been some past Decembers that Chex mix was basically my primary food source.

For the entire month.

I love it.

I love it so much I have to limit myself to only making it once a year.

After all, if you make something you really like it is better to limit the times you make it to make it even more special.

I buy supplies early: the three different Chex cereals, butter, Worcestershire sauce, onion and garlic powders, seasoning salt, nuts, and pretzels.

After I have bought supplies I do not buy more.

I do not make it until after Thanksgiving.

The secret is that I use Worcestershire powder in addition to the onion and garlic powders, twice the butter and twice the powders.

Okay, I double everything, except seasoning salt.

Melt the butter, add the seasonings, add the Worcestershire sauce, pour over combined cereals, nuts, pretzels and stir to coat.

Recipe?

Who needs a recipe?

I bake it loooowwww and slllloooowww.

225 degrees, stirring every 20 minutes, for 2-3 hours.

When time is up, if I’m lazy, I just turn the oven off and let the batch sit in the oven until I portion it out into bags.

I do not eat the vast majority of the Chex mix.

I usually give it out for presents.

However, it is a very popular item for Cookie Thursday is a Thing.

It appears quickly in the roster.

It may even be a repeater.

Kind of like the nightly lap appys.

The Way Back Time Machine is, according to Google, the digital archive of the World Wide Web.

A way to look back, as it were.

I’ve been cataloguing articles of interest since Covid began.

Since the lockdown in America began.

On March 10, 2020, a state of emergency was declared in my state.

My husband’s office closed soon after that.

And a stay at home order was implemented on March 27, 2020, except for essential workers and trips to the grocery store.

Hospitals do not get to shut down.

We are always open for business.

At about this time I started cataloguing, or archiving articles of interest on my Covid Stuff Pinterest board.

Pinterest is a way to accumulate data from a variety of sources and store them digitally.

I use Pinterest as a cache all.

All the recipes I want to try.

All the places I want to go.

All the books I want to read.

All the fandom stuff I don’t want others to know about.

Ask me about Star Trek or Sherlock, we could have a conversation.

In January of 2020, in response to the personal pressures I was under as a grad student in the last semester of my MSN, and also in response to the personal pressures my co-workers were under in this new reality of mine, I started a Happy Place board.

With funny picture of cats and dogs.

A laugh is always good for a stress relief.

On my Covid Stuff Pinterest board, I pinned things that I thought might be useful.

Things that made me laugh.

Things that made other people laugh.

I’m not sure why I wanted to look at the very first pin that I pinned to that board.

But I did.

I waded through all 2949 pins to get to the beginning.

And it was how to do a fade haircut with clippers.

Yes, I gave my husband a clipper cut when he hadn’t been to the barber in 6 weeks.

I am not good at the fade.

Although I am impressed that he knew the individual length clippers that I would need for each step.

It makes me chuckle now.

Frantically learning a new skill for someone who wouldn’t have to leave the house for the next 12 months.

And yes, I did trim my own bangs with the clippers.

But not until 7 months later when I couldn’t stand it anymore.

In September of 2021, those who were fully vaccinated went back to the office.

Including my husband.

By then he was comfortable going to the hair cutter place.

But early in the day.

Baby steps.