All of a sudden I have 40+ hours of “free time”.
In my working life I have NEVER had such a thing.
I am certain I am not alone in wishing for more free time.
Time has been moving oddly during the pandemic.
Or I may just be more aware of it.
Healthcare workers do not have enough time to do all the care that is needed for our patients.
We often feel the lack.
A busy shift can go by in the blink of an eye.
A slow shift can dddrrrraaaagggg.
It is the same amount of time but our perception is different.
Often I feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland.
No time to say goodbye, hello, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.
I’m late for things I haven’t even thought of.
By contrast people who are impatiently waiting for the pandemic to end are bogged down by ennui.
That means boredom.
According to the Oxford dictionary ennui really means ‘a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction due to lack of occupation or excitement.’
I took this to mean that minds are not occupied.
Healthcare workers have concept of the lack of occupation or excitement.
Every minute of the shift is scheduled.
And when we are done, we crave doing nothing.
This is the much vaunted ‘free time’.
I think it is like a pendulum.
And, personally, when there is free time, such as the vast amount I now have, I feel nothing.
All I want to do is read.
But mostly read.
I can’t help the feeling that this is not healthy.
But this is what the pandemic has gifted to me.
The concept of free time is seductive.
And a liar.
I promised a career coach that I would work on my LinkedIn page.
Using her ideas, adding my own, as another avenue to get Dispatches from the Evening Shift noticed.
I will be giving myself a deadline of the end of the month.
I just have to ignore the siren’s call of my books.