I am stuck.
I mean, we are all stuck.
I mired in a quagmire of my own making.
I don’t want to cook.
I don’t want to clean.
I don’t want to do anything outside of work.
Read, I want to read.
I want to read all the things.
I don’t want to do anything outside of books and work.
I feel that a lot of my coworkers are in the same boat.
Or it might just be me.
I could do any of the things; cook, clean, read, not work.
But I cannot stir myself to do any of it.
I find myself doing the bare minimum to keep the house going, to keep us fed, and in clean laundry.
This is not like me.
I should mow, the front lawn looks unkempt.
I should put away the clean laundry.
I should clean the garage.
I should do more than I am.
Instead, I feel that I’ve been worn down.
With vaccine news.
With news hitting us from every side.
With the science deniers and the mask refusers.
I understand that we are all depressed.
It has been a LONG, HARD year.
I feel that I need to save what energy I can to actually go to work and do the work of the operating room.
I have a plan about tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will call the window installers and inquire about our missing screens we paid for.
Tomorrow I will fold and put away all the laundry.
Tomorrow I will act like a functioning adult, rather than an adult who only goes to the hospital and comes home to read my book.