I am stuck

I am stuck.

I mean, we are all stuck.

I mired in a quagmire of my own making.

I don’t want to cook.

I don’t want to clean.

I don’t want to do anything outside of work.

Read, I want to read.

I want to read all the things.

I don’t want to do anything outside of books and work.

I feel that a lot of my coworkers are in the same boat.

Or it might just be me.

(shrug)

I could do any of the things; cook, clean, read, not work.

But I cannot stir myself to do any of it.

I find myself doing the bare minimum to keep the house going, to keep us fed, and in clean laundry.

This is not like me.

I should mow, the front lawn looks unkempt.

I should put away the clean laundry.

I should clean the garage.

I should do more than I am.

I should.

Instead, I feel that I’ve been worn down.

With Covid.

With vaccine news.

With news hitting us from every side.

With the science deniers and the mask refusers.

I understand that we are all depressed.

It has been a LONG, HARD year.

I feel that I need to save what energy I can to actually go to work and do the work of the operating room.

Tomorrow.

I have a plan about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will call the window installers and inquire about our missing screens we paid for.

Tomorrow I will fold and put away all the laundry.

Tomorrow I will act like a functioning adult, rather than an adult who only goes to the hospital and comes home to read my book.