24- Blame the victim… of course

They are weaponizing abortion bans against victims. Blame the victim is the name of their game and it has never been clearer. In their minds and out of their mouths comes language that says that if a woman hadn’t had sex and sought a medication abortion and had a rare complication and sought care from the state in which they live and was denied actual medical care for a true medical emergency and they shun her and turn her away from the emergency room and she dies it is her fault.

Did you get all that?

It is like holding someone’s arm and using your muscles to slap their face, telling them all the while “Stop hitting yourself”. In no way are they hitting themselves. You are. And blaming them for it.

Because she wasn’t a “good girl” and had sex.

After all, the vagina is the root of all evils. Right?

Twas Eve who ate the apple from the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden.

Twas Eve who tempted Adam to eat the apple.

Twas Eve who got them banished from the Garden of Eden.

Because blame the woman, right?

Some people believe that their holy book forbids abortion. Without actually coming out and saying it. Because abortion is not mentioned in the Bible. Neither the old testament nor the new testament. Not in the Jewish version.

Same thing for birth control. Nowhere is it mentioned that it is banned.

But some people believe it because their god said so. No, no, they say when you point this out. But I know that it is something that he doesn’t want. No, no, not his son when you point this out that their behavior isn’t exactly Christ-like. Not his son. I just don’t want god to be mad at me for a reason I made up in my head.

Do you know what is also not banned? In-vitro Fertilization.

I don’t normally write about essentially the same thing for Tuesday Top of Mind two weeks in a row.

But they need to get over themselves.

Because they are killing women and the potential children they profess to want born. Without any medical support or financial support or legislative support.

No, they want fully-aged people who can work and pay taxes. Because infants and children are messy and demanding. And they don’t have the patience. But they want the money.

And the control.

but mostly the money.

How to delicately say things to patients and to not give away too much information

How, and what, to say hard things to patients should be a graduate-level class. You know the things I mean.

There is potentially life-altering information that you have that you may be asked point blank your opinion of.

Knowing what is a conversation that should be at a doctor or surgeon level AND also knowing how to get out of giving too much information without the proper context and freaking out the patient would be the final exam.

Practice the following “The specimen for the surgical case is in the lab for testing. Dr. X will know more. They are speaking to your family right now.” Or there is always the cop-out “Dr. Y will be in to speak with you shortly.”

No one likes the second one, not the patient, not the family member, not the surgeon. Not even me when I give that line. Because the patient or the family member knows that I know something and I AM NOT TELLING! And I know that I can’t tell because I give the proper context to tell anything.

Last week I had a patient ask me directly how the surgery had gone when they were in the recovery room. I was not about to give any details that were better off coming from the surgeon. Instead I leaned forward and said earnestly, “We were glad that you decided to seek care today.” They closed their eyes and nodded, content with the explanation.

We were, the surgery would have been much harder if the patient had waited, suffering at home. Instead they decided to come in and seek care. If they had waited, the outcome might not have been favorable.

Sometimes I do pass on information during the intra-operative phone call that we make to inform the family how things are progressing. However I always ask what the surgeon wants me to tell the family.

Saying the wrong thing can absolutely be bad. The family, who is not medical, can take things out of context or misunderstand what is being said. This can lead to repurcussions when the surgeon is yelled at by the family, or goes to the waiting room to find ALL the family, all crying, when the message was interpreted incorrectly.

It is best to be simple with explanations of the surgical kind, or, really, the medical kind. You have training to understand the words and the context. The patient and the family does not.