The Thirteen Days of the OR Christmas

Adapted from a Little OR picture book by the same name.

Once there was a snowy Christmas, cold and snowy, snowy and cold. Nothing would be better than staying home under the covers with a good book and a cup of tea. But, of course, the patients still made it to the hospital for their surgeries. J. Ashe, my charge nurse, assigned me to a different room each day. These are the my thirteen days of the OR Christmas.

Bah Humbug.

On the first day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
a surgeon in a good mood.

(Dr. G. Mood declined to be pictured for this book or even named as he doesn’t want to ruin his reputation among the other surgeons)

On the second day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(get out the hip waders)

On the third day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
three appys
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(this is not looking good)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
four cataracts
three appys
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(at least the eyes are quick)

On the fifth day of Christmas my charge nurse gave to me
FIVE C-Sections
four cataracts
three appys
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(babies, hurray!)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
six bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
four cataracts
three appys
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(this is not trending well)

On the seventh day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
seven hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
4 cataracts
3 appys
two shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(well, at least the surgeon is in a good mood)

On the eighth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me
Eight Septoplasties
7 hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
4 cataracts
3 appys
2 shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(I must’ve been bad this year)

On the ninth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me:
Nine bladder tumors
8 septoplasties
7 hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
4 cataracts
3 appys
2 shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(Santa, am I getting coal?)

On the tenth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me:
ten fractured ankles
9 bladder tumors
8 septoplasties
7 hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
4 cataracts
3 appys
2 shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(Okay, who told Santa about that time at the holiday party?)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me:
Eleven breast reductions
10 fractured ankles
9 bladder tumors
8 septoplasties
7 hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-sections
4 cataracts
3 appys
2 shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(Or the time at the 4th of July picnic?)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me:
Twelve carpal tunnels
11 breast reductions
10 fractured ankles
9 bladder tumors
8 septoplasties
7 hip revisions
6 bowel resections
FIVE C-Sections
4 cataracts,        
3 appys
2 shoulder scopes
and a surgeon in a good mood.

(Make it stop!)

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my charge nurse gave to me:
the day off. 

Yeah, right.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, charge nurse Jack Ashe got from me:
my resignation
and a California birdie.